first, last.

been watching enlightenment videos and tarot readings and all the signs point to here. direct me back to the same spot there. to let it go.

it was a burning… that which i refuse to decide upon although i knew what i had to do yet i prolonged it.

even if all around me was ablaze how could i extinguish the warmth between my fingers…

my left hand shakes a little, the atoms mistake the burn as warmth still from when i once held your hand.

i think back to the very first time when i truly experienced my heart breaking by the choices i made.

pixelated tears.

stop trying to give life to things that will never be.

i love you most when i’m eclipsing pass the tipsiness.

but i’ve made the decision this time around to let you go. let you grow.
keep the happy birthdays, i hope you’re doing well, i miss yous, the i think of you always in poetry.

…i don’t want to put myself through this again.
saw myself as used goods then but
i can’t secondhand my body, my love.
don’t want the embers of second guessing myself linger on anymore.

so i let go. this is what it is. what it is meant to be.